Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
