uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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