Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
