He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
