R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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