I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
