I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
