Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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