you have to choose: penises or morals?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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