i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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