who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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