mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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