I have demons in me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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