She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
