At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
