i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
