Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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