My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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