Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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