So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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