So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
