Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
