I wish I could teleport
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
