I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
