i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The feeling are messing with the penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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