the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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