he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
