I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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