hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Life is so much better after having sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
