theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
