She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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