your parents love me but you hate me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Even my vagina gasped.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
