I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
