good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
