this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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