Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
