I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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