Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
