yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
