just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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