I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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