I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
