I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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