I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize