when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
