You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
