At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My life is pants optional.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
