Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
