So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I understand Curling. That high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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