I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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