this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
