woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
