White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
