this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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