Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
