You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
