escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
