I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
