apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
