okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
