i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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