Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
