Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
