I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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