you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
