I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
