i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
