You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
