The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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