he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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