I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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