You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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