put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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