let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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