Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
