We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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