my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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